33 weeks appointment

33 weeks 1 day...

His 3D pic...he's getting kind of cramped in there so it's getting harder to see his face. This is kind of a profile...you can see his forehead, eye, nose, & cheek.

The top of his head is to the right. You can see his eyes (which I think were open) and his nose.

His HR... 143 BPM

Showing off that he's all boy in there...little stinker!!

I had my doc. app. today and for the most part everything went good. Got some unexpected news...but I'll get to that in a little bit.

So I had my NST 1st. I ate some gummy bears about 20 mins before my app. and Clay was pretty active. Needless to say we got all we needed in 15 mins w/that test because he was moving good and his HR was doing everything it needed to while he was or wasn't moving. He got a perfect 8/8 on his testing so he's doing good in that area!!

2nd was my ultrasound. Right away again we saw him breathing and his little heart was going good. His HR was 143. He's changed positions again...his head is kind of down and to my left side, his body lays across the bottom of my and his feet are up in my right ribs. He's almost in the up/down position w/his head being down...but not quite. He weighs 4lbs. 6 oz. He's got more hair too!!! You could see it sticking out in the back like little needles...it was soooooo cute!!! He was very proud to show us yet again that he's a little boy still...lol!!! We couldn't get a good 3D pic of him because of how he was laying...but we got 1...which is better than none. The tech was scanning his cord again this time...and I noticed when she was scanning the top of his head you could see the red/blue colors (which is the blood in the cord) made a perfect little circle. At first I thought "why is his cord in a circle on top of his head" then I kind of put it together. I asked the tech if his cord looked good and she said everything looked fine and Dr. Ramsey would take a closer look @ things. I didn't ask if his cord was around his neck...but it was kind of obvious that it was.

So I went to see Dr. Ramsey. My BP was 114/52 and I didn't gain any weight...so still holding @ 16 lbs!!! Dr. Ramsey came in and said "I'm going to up front and honest w/ya so here it goes". That's when I knew what I saw was probably true. She said he does have his cord around his neck 2 times but it's not anything to go into a major panic attack because 4 out 5 babies are born w/cords around the neck. She said they didn't see any knots...but couldn't say 100% that was for sure...because we are relaying on the machine and can't actually get in there a see. She said there were a few things that she wants to do out of precaution and try to prevent anything bad from happening.

So 1st...I have to see the specialist and they will rescan me. They will be able to look @ the cord a lot better and give a better opinion on what to do next. If the next step is a life/death situation then an amniocentesis will be done to see how Clay's lungs are and how much steroids to start giving me to make them stronger. Then they will take him @ 36 wks. which will be Nov. 20th. Depending on how he's doing he might/might not have to spend any time in the NICCU. If they scan me and don't think the cord is going to be a problem then I'll go until 38 wks. which will be Dec. 4th. Either way I have an option of a Csection if I want and if they think it would be better for Clay. They also want to me to still come down 2 times a week starting this week...so I'll be down again on Fri. I think they are going to do an US and NST w/each visit. This way they can watch his breathing, HR, weight gain, & moving.

Just when I think I'm taking my next step forward...I feel like I'm being forced back w/this little but huge information about the cord. Plus not to mention that next Fri. (11/6) is Mason's 1 yrs. anniversary of loosing him. I knew the next few weeks were going to be tough...but they just got 10 times harder. I'm back to asking "why", I'm back to feeling like I'm doing something wrong. All I want is for Clay to get here safe, alive, & healthy. Haven't I been tested enough?!?!?!?!? I've got all those mixed emotions going through my head...I want to be happy & smile without crying and know everything is going to be ok. I don't want this feeling of paranoid, anxiety, & nervousness because I know it's not good for me or Clay. It is sooooo much easier said than done to say to "stay positive". I know I've complained before about how Clay had kicked all night long and I didn't get a lot of sleep...but if that's going to be the way to know he's ok...then that's what I'll take. I'll get sleep some other time.

Ok...I need to refocus and think positive...The doctors are going to do everything possible they can and get Clay here safe and sound and I've just got to accept that whatever happens...God has a reason. So...PLEASE keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers. We need them now more than ever. We've got this far and I pray that God takes us all the way we need to a happy, safe, alive, healthy little Clay that will be snuggled w/lots of love, kisses, and hugs.