Mason Wyatt Lance 11/6/2008-11/6/2009

I can't believe it's been a year since we lost Mason. In some ways I couldn't wait for this day to get here because that meant no more "1st without him". But in other ways I knew this day would be a proving point that God wouldn't ever give us more than we can handle. This has been one tough year for all of us but I knew for Mason's sake...I couldn't let myself get so down that I thought life wouldn't continue on....I knew it would. We have had so much support, love, caring, prayers, thoughts...and not only from family & friends but from strangers too. When we were in the hospital last year we received gifts and cards from people who were friends of our friends...but we had never met them...they just knew what we were going through because they had been @ that point not too long ago. I also met a girl who I've stayed in contact with, shared stories and pictures with and she has been a huge help. It's kind of like we have our own support group between the two of us. I've been able to help her know how she might feel because we lost Mason 3 months before she lost her baby. So Thanks Chelsa for being there & for all the prayers!! I also kind of reconnected w/an old friend because of their loss just a few months ago. We too have shared stories, pictures, prayers, thoughts, laughs and crys. She a big support to me too because I know I can call her and she'll cry over the phone w/me...Thank you sooooo much Danielle for being there.

I'm not going to talk to much about the past because my whole goal after we lost Mason was to keep moving forward...even if it was baby steps but to always remember him. So...have I accomplished that...YES :-) He is and will always be part of our lives. I was so afraid that people would forget about him...esp when we got pregnant w/Clay. But they haven't and I'm so thankful for that. When people ask Crystal about her getting a baby brother...she lets them know very quickly that she has 2 baby brothers...one in mommy's belly which is Clay and one that lives in heaven w/Jesus which is Mason. I'm glad she clarifies that part about 2 babies because people quite often think we are having twins...esp if they know about mine and Jeremy's sisters!!

I've also been amazed @ how much Crystal has been there for me. 3 year old don't get enough credit. She has handled this past year and getting pregnant again w/Clay so well. She knows exactly where Mason is and knows that ANY time she can see him and talk to him. She has a star that we call "Mason Star". It's the brightest star in the sky @ night. Every night we'll talk to it & she'll play peek-a-boo because she knows that Mason is looking down on us and keeping us all safe and healthy know. I don't know what I'd do without her. If there was ever a reason to keep going day to day...it's all because of her. I call her my "Little Miss Sunshine" because when I have a bad day, she knows, and she'll tell me it's going to be ok and that Mason doesn't want me to cry anymore. Then she'll go get me some toilet paper and wipe my tears, give me a big hug and kiss. That makes any days the best days of my life :-)

Of course Jeremy has been as big of a rock as Crystal has. I don't know how many nights I cried myself to sleep laying w/him, wrapped up in his arms. When I feel my weakest he has always been right there. There's a lot of times when I don't have to say a word and he knows how I feel. Like Crystal...he's the reason for going day to day and makes my bad days turn better. We have grown closer and stronger together. I don't think he'll ever know how much I love him.

So where do we go now...what do we do know. I know that my family and I will keep going forward and trust that God will get us through any more rough patches we might come across. I also know not only do we have God helping us...but a very special little boy is up there keeping Clay and me safe during my pregnancy. I also know there is no doubt that I have an guardian angel. My heart still aches but I know one of these days I'll see him again and won't have to ever put him down or say goodbye. Mason will never be replaced...after all he was my original "Little Wild Man", got me addicted to BBQ, and beat up on his sister from the 1st time he could kick. He is loved more and more everyday :-)